


Unearthing Ben Solo

by zelakowski



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Kylo Ren Redemption, Redeemed Ben Solo, Redemption, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 21:30:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14387505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zelakowski/pseuds/zelakowski
Summary: A Kylo Ren story as Ben Solo tries desperately to break free from the darkness- some Reylo in there probably. But, it will be a slow burn. I'm writing from where The Last Jedi ends.Rating may change as story progresses.





	1. The Aftermath of Crait

Kylo Ren knew as Rey closed the Millennium Falcon, she closed herself from him. Though they were united by the Force, Rey was gutted by what she felt was betrayal, and would not give him the chance to be Ben Solo beside her anymore. Not now. Not ever. He wondered if she cared, but the look of disappointment painted on her scornful face answered his question. Her care will now extend to only clear disappointment for the man Ben had become. 

 

Finding any commonality between the two seemed impossible on the very surface. Rey was a scavenger, abandoned to the deserts of Jakku and forced to fight for survival. On the other hand was Kylo, the child of war heroes with Skywalker blood in his veins. From the beginning, he was taught of all he could achieve with this power inside him. Unfortunately, Snoke took notice too. 

 

Yet, they both were ostracized within their own loneliness. Rey couldn’t recognize herself in any mirror while Kylo was hated, even by those whom followed him out of blind fear. Her lack of identity and the hatred everyone held for him isolated them both. They simultaneously were torn apart; the light tugged on an arm while the darkness pulled the other, their bodies stretched impossibly by the Force. 

Though Rey couldn't possibly understand, he felt betrayed by his seemingly perfect parents. Only Rey blindly told herself she was loved, given up for reasons that would one day be explained to her by the parents she hardly remembered; the parents she wasn’t aware decayed in a ditch on the deserts of Jakku. Perhaps she knew long ago, but couldn’t face it until Kylo stood before her, and made her say it aloud. 

Ren convinced himself through adolescence that his parents didn’t care about him, not until darkness overtook him. That’s not true and you know it. The light tugged on his thoughts again but he ignored it quickly, burying it like he buried Ben Solo- as quick as the Millennium Falcon closed on him… as quick as Han Solo fell from a narrow platform… Kylo cursed himself, burying further this time. 

Kylo felt the dice from his father’s ship in his hands, disappearing just as she did. Ben Solo was kicked further into a grave- he had no out now.  
Hux walked in the room slowly, as if he were trying not to step on glass on the ground. “Supreme leader,” he began tentatively. 

Kylo quickly got off of his knees onto his wobbly feet, Hux couldn’t see his weakness. He witnessed Kylo awaken in the throne room with Rey gone, having outsmarted Kylo and murdered Snoke and his guards, so Hux believed. Though Kylo couldn’t help but feel a slight disbelief from Hux upon hearing the story of Rey’s overwhelming victory. He doubted the events, but fear cowered him submissively. Kylo would still have the upper hand. No matter what doubts Hux always held towards him, Snoke’s death had been a knife to his disrespectful tongue. Mostly. Kylo still knew not disregard him, Hux’s hatred was too strong to ignore.  
“What?”  
“What will we do now? The Resistance has fled. Skywalker was a diversion.”  
Kylo was inflamed from his obvious words.  
“ You do not need to tell me what I already know,” Kylo shouted, causing Hux to wince but still held annoyance in his eyes. Hux thought it better to remain silent until Kylo spoke again.  
“Back to the ships. We must find them. We must end it.”

Hux nodded, leaving Kylo alone again in the dark room. The end… will any of it ever end? He remained in the room a moment more, observing old remnants from the days of the Rebellion. While he wasn’t there in the times that his parents were called “heroes”, he couldn’t help feel… nostalgic? He blamed his parents for such a feeling, having grown up in the aftermath of the Rebellion’s victories. He blamed everyone. But he would never admit how much he blamed himself. He wanted to disappear, just as quickly as his father’s dice.


	2. Frenzied Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Force Bond stuff, Rey has a panic attack, Kylo (not Ben yet, he doesn't deserve this title) is a little bitch.

Rey had disappeared into her quarters, looking forward to the best sleep she has had in a long time. The chill of Ach-To along with the constant, swarming thoughts made sleep uneasy. Not to mention the nightmares; Rey winced at the thought. She hadn’t thought of the nightmares following her here, but they would follow her everywhere.  
She took off her shoes and sat on the bed, her knees at her face. Ben’s betrayal weighed heavily on her. No- not Ben. She would refuse to call him that anymore, not when he allowed the darkness to become him. In that moment of their last Force bond, his eyes reflected the ghost of Ben Solo but Kylo Ren’s feet remained to lead the First Order. 

Then she remembered what she had been actively trying to forget, when Ren’s lightsaber impaled Han Solo. She was there, she saw him kill his own father. He was a monster. She had touched his hands and tried to bring him to the light, was she a fool? Could Ben Solo come out of the six foot hole he had already dug for himself?

They fought as allies in Snoke’s throne room and the whole time it was as if the Force was vibrating so strongly, as if fighting together was where they were meant to be. She remembered his offer- the two of them side by side bringing order to the galaxy. Together. “Please,” he had begged her. 

She thought of Han Solo and all of the innocent blood on his hands, the hands she touched as the Force shone through her. Rey’s body began to shake, her mind being torn apart by all these thoughts. She was alone and finally allowed herself to fall apart, breaking like the Skywalker lightsaber between her and Ren. The irony being that he is what tore her apart now. 

How did she end up here? Ren had said it himself, she is nothing, came from nothing. “But not to me,” he had said. A shiver went down her spine whilst her body still shook, so hard she was practically vibrating. Who was she? Who does she have to be in this story? She is nothing. Her breathing became heavy, turning into hyperventilation. She was panicking, spiraling. I am nothing. 

She had to slow down her breathing and calm herself. She was still exploring the powers of the Force, but it was all she had. She tried to steady her breaths and reach out to find calm.  
Show me peace. Breathe. Show me peace… please. 

Her mind began projecting images; she saw the most lush of green grass and heard flowing water from somewhere not-so-distant. The planet’s sun hung in the sky, but wasn’t the harsh monster Jakku’s sun took the role of. It was warm, not painstakingly hot. The grass and trees danced in the light breeze, and Rey swore she felt it cool her skin. The sun and breeze perfectly harmonized around her; she somehow felt the hum of the place’s beauty. Her breathing had steadied, the tears finally stopped falling. Peace.

She slowly opened her eyes, wiping the stray tears off of her face. She had thought Ben Solo was how peace would be restored in the galaxy. But, Kylo Ren was too strong. Now, what’s left of the dwindling Resistance must hide from his murderous regime; how could they win? They needed a new plan. Kylo Ren murdered Ben Solo, drowning him in darkness and he wouldn’t resurface. What can we do now?

Though Rey couldn’t shake the lingering hope that Ben Solo would return and couldn’t give it up. But she must, right...?

Her eyes became heavier by the moment, finally closing. She was ready to drift to sleep when she felt... something. She opened her eyes for only a moment, looking around the room but saw nothing. She hesitated for a moment, before closing her eyes once again. As she finally drifted into what would probably be an uneasy sleep, she swore right before she slept she heard Ben’s voice softly say “you’re not alone.”


	3. Tainted Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Nightmare on Elm Street dream warriors shit??? Idk what the rules are man.

Rey was in the same paradise she had dreamed up earlier with lush green grass and a welcoming sun. She followed the sound of running water to a river, something Rey was unfamiliar with. After all, she was from the dry and desolate Jakku. It wasn’t a far walk through thick, tall trees to the water. It was a forest, but open and didn’t trap her. She finally reached the coursing river; she was drawn to it, wanting to stand in it and feel its current run through and passed her. 

She removed her boots and socks before entering the river, not caring about the rest of her clothes becoming wet. The water wasn’t cold, it was warm and inviting as it melted her into bliss. She took in the overwhelming peace and quiet, only hearing the wind, river and birds singing. She smiled with her eyes closed and for just a moment allowed the current to take her worries and thoughts with it down the river. Until she felt something.

“How did we end up in the same place?”  
The voice startled her, but she knew from where it came. She opened her eyes to see Kylo Ren standing on the bank. She ran out of the river to the opposite side, having her hand on a blaster that was at her holster.  
“Stay back.”  
He cocked his head to look at her curiously. 

“This isn’t real, Rey. Just a projection created by the Force. You can’t harm me, I cannot harm you.”  
She didn’t back down, her eyes stayed intense and angry. 

“Just stay away from me,” she spat.  
He blinked at her, feeling the venom of her words in his blood. His face scrunched itself in anger.

“This isn’t my choice,” he harshly retorted.  
“That’s your prerogative for everything, isn’t it? It’s never your choice.”

Kylo Ren’s body boiled in fury at her words.  
“This is my choice. And it will be when I end the Resistance, even you.”  
“We both know that’s not what you want, Ben.”

It hurt her too much to call him Kylo Ren when she could see Ben Solo inside of him, quivering. She knew it would anger him. He was taken aback at her use of the name he was born with, but it fueled the fire inside him more.

“BEN SOLO IS DEAD,” he screamed at her, though she noticed the inflection in his voice. His inner pain couldn’t help but peak through the cracks of the heavy walls he built around himself- he had hoped she didn’t notice, but knew she did.  
“Fine. Then I will bury Kylo Ren if I must,” she said solemnly. It pained her, he could see that much in her eyes. 

He wasn’t sure what to say. He kept his face vexed, and his hands were balled into fists making his fingers sweat under his leather gloves.  
He turned around from her, disappearing as he did so.

 

Kylo woke up breathing heavily in anger. He jumped out of his bed and began quickly pacing, muttering things under his breath. He stopped for a moment while he tried to calm his breathing. “Then I will bury Kylo Ren if I must.” 

His fists clenched again and he began to throw things all around his chambers. Anything that could be grabbed was thrown across the room as he angrily screamed in frustration. Damn her. Damn all of it. He held out his hand and his lightsaber met it as he quickly ignited it, creating more destruction. Every stroke of his lightsaber was accompanied by an angry scream. He finally stopped, standing in the middle of the room gripping his lightsaber and panting. He let out a low growl in the background of every pant like an animal. Like a monster.

She was alone again, and the paradise was dark now, tainted. She needed to get out… now. 

Rey opened her eyes, still breathing heavily. It had all felt too real and she had nowhere to escape to, not even sleep. She stayed up for several minutes, sitting up on her bed trying to clear her mind so she can return to sleep again. She couldn’t explain it but across the galaxy she felt Kylo’s anger. It made her body hot and her head ache. She finally returned underneath a thin blanket and closed her eyes to attempt sleep once more. She hoped he wouldn’t find her there again.


	4. Platonic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Finn rejection- don't worry, Finn will have his happy ending. I already know what I'm planning for him... mwahahaha.

Kylo Ren appeared in her dreams for many nights; never Ben, always Kylo. 

Rey occupied her mind during the day as much as she could by assisting the Resistance in various tasks. She was elated to be reunited with Finn: her first, real friend. He spent most of his time at Rose’s bedside when he wasn’t helping out on the ship. In Rey’s free time, she sat beside Finn while he caught her up on all she missed. 

She learned Rose Tico is a maintenance worker who had a sister in the Resistance named Paige, whom they all labeled a hero. Paige was gunner that sacrificed herself in a battle against the First Order. Rose and Finn went on a dangerous mission together in order to help the Resistance escape the First Order without any trace by turning their tracker off. Finn was disheartened that they failed, Rey could see that on his face as he retold the tale.

“You were so brave, Finn. I’m proud of you,” Rey told him as she supportively squeezed his hand. 

 

Finn looked at her with a soft smile that reached his eyes; Rey had missed this. She looked at Rose and felt guilty because of her selfish gratitude that Rose saved Finn. She hoped Rose would soon wake, as she saw the guilt eating at Finn; even if he didn’t say so explicitly. 

 

“She kissed me,” Finn blurted out after a few minutes of comfortable silence. Rey looked at him, not sure how to react yet.  
“After she saved me… before she lost consciousness,” he continued in a way that almost seemed cautious. Finn wanted Rey to react and respond, but Rey wasn’t sure what reaction he wanted.  
“Is that… a good thing?”  
“I’m not sure,” he responded honestly, looking away from her.  
Rey wasn’t sure what he meant by that.  
Finn sighed and focused on his fidgeting hands. He was looking for the words to say. 

“She’s great and kind and brave. But… I love someone else.” He grabbed her hands tenderly and slowly, continuing to look down for another moment before finally mustering up the courage to meet her eyes. Rey had no experience in any sort of relationship, or even friendship. But the way Finn looked at her after he said this sent a clear message. It was her; it was always her. 

Her heart sank. She wanted to give him all he wanted so badly. She loved Finn, more than anyone; she loved him even more than the parents she invented in her mind and held on to her whole life. Her eyes began to water, but she tried so desperately to combat it. She didn’t want to cry, but her heart broke for the friend she loved yet wasn’t in love with. 

“Finn… you’re my greatest friend. I love you.. but not in the way you love me,” she explained, her voice stuffy from the few tears that fell.

 

She looked at him, his eyes watery like hers and he exhaled as if he was holding his breath for several minutes. He sadly smiled at her and nodded, both of their hearts bleeding for each other.  
“That’s ok, Rey… really, it is. I’m glad you’re my friend. I just have to say it out loud, so you know… I’m very much in love with you.”

She let out a small and silent sob at his declaration, and couldn’t help but putting her arms around him in a tight embrace as more tears fell. They held each other tightly, the touch comforting both of them. She felt selfish for crying as he was the one she was hurting, but she was destroyed for not being able to give him what he deserves. Why couldn’t she? She wasn’t sure why, there was no good reason. She cursed herself and wondered what was wrong with her.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered to him in their hug.  
“It’s ok,” he cooed, trying to conceal the pain he felt.  
“I love you, Finn.”  
“I love you too.” 

In their embrace, Rey felt the calmest she had in a long time. She was eternally grateful for Finn. Out of all the planets in the galaxy, he found his way to her empty Jakku. And for that, she thanked the Maker. 

Across the universe, Kylo Ren finally allowed the tears he forced to stay in his eyes, to fall. He cried for Rey refusing to join him, for his loneliness, for his responsibilities as Supreme Leader, for his father, for everything. He hated himself for his moment of weakness. Anger brewed within him, and mixed with his overwhelming misery. It concocted the perfect recipe for a broken man. 

On different sides of the galaxy and war, everyone broke into pieces that scattered like the stars in the sky.


	5. Another Hand Not Taken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my longest yeah boiiiiii ever (longest chapter so far, I swear I plan on doing this from now on). I like this chapter, some good Rey and Kylo interaction, tensions are still high. We can see Ben peeking out though.. just a little.

Rey couldn’t help but notice another war that occurred, right inside the Millenium Falcon. It raged on inside the minds of all that was left of the Resistance. The battle was between hope and hopelessness, and a trying battle it was. Leia continued to keep the faith, reminding them all of how their hope and cause was all they needed. Rey knew there was doubt, she could feel it in the air at all times. It was a constant fog of uncertainty and fear, that occasionally cleared from tiny sparks of hope. 

A galaxy away, Kylo Ren sat in the throne room with his leathered fingers furiously tapping on his leg. His dark hair hung in his face, so no guards could meet his eyes. He thanked the stars he no longer had anyone poking inside his crowded mind; besides Rey. No one accessed his memory of what really happened in the throne room, nor could know how alive he had felt as the Skywalker lightsaber split Snoke in half. 

Kylo knew this tall tale put Rey in even more danger. Hux wouldn’t be interested in keeping her alive, even if Ren instructed him to. Though Ren held the title of Supreme Leader over him, his undying loyalty to Snoke was too strong. 

“Supreme Leader,” Hux interrupted his thoughts, standing before Kylo.  
“What,” he spat in reply. Hux looked at him with as much hatred as ever before.  
“We believe we’re close to finding the scum. A transport had seen them passing through the galaxy and reported their last location. They soon fled, but we’re still closer.”  
“Did you interrupt me just to inform that we’re still unsuccessful? Perhaps if you spent less time spewing useless nonsense, you would’ve already found them.”

Hux’s face flushed red with anger and a hint of embarrassment that the guards had seen him be belittled like this. He looked as though he almost said something back but instead, simply replied, “yes, Supreme Leader.”

Kylo was tired of sitting on the throne, staring into oblivion at the plain, red walls. “I’ll be in my chambers. Do not disturb me,” he ordered as menacing as he could, escaping quickly to his room. He was trapped within his own angst as per usual, frustratedly sighing and not being able to shake off his eternal anger. He was about to try to rest, forget about his responsibilities for just a moment when he felt her there. 

“Angry, Supreme Leader,” she asked tauntingly behind him.  
“No one speaks to me in that way,” he spat back, turning around to face her. 

He immediately was drawn to the bags under her eyes. She clearly wasn’t sleeping well, allowing her nightmares to keep her awake. She still possessed tan skin, but it had clearly paled, and she nearly looked ill. Her eyes still remained severe and squinched in aggression, but he saw the exhaustion underneath. 

“What are you going to do? Kill me?” She raised her brow, challenging him.  
“Don’t tempt me, scavenger.” 

He said the word as if it were poison in his mouth he had to spit out in complete disgust. A small part of her was wounded by his disgust towards who she was, where she came from. But she knew it was only to upset her, she wouldn’t give him that satisfaction. Instead she stung him back. 

“Murderer,” she simply replied with as much venom as he gave her.  
“We’re all murderers, all for our cause!”  
“Not all of us could add our parents to our body count!”

He was visibly shaken. He faltered for only a moment, it seemed as though he lost his breath for a second while his body froze. Just for a moment, before Kylo Ren returned to cast Ben Solo’s guilt to an abyss. 

“You will die. At the hand of the First Order, at MY hand. You’ll feel my lightsaber through you, just as Han Solo.” Her face softened, and he hated the pity she extended to him. 

“You don’t want to kill me. You don’t want to end this.” His brown eyes told her what the rest of his severe face couldn’t. He fought against himself so hard, his stubbornness drove her to insanity. It made her hostile again. 

“Where will the great Kylo Ren go once the First Order reigns? What next? You’re afraid, and you don’t want me dead. Without a fight, what’s the point? You have no plan.”

His eyes finally hardened, she couldn’t see Ben Solo in front of her anymore. He stalked up to her, getting close to her face. She couldn’t deny the slight fear at his intimidation, and she hoped he couldn’t feel it through the bond. Their faces were inches apart, she wanted to disappear. 

“The Resistance will die. That is my plan.”  
It reminded her of how she felt seeing him in person for the first time in the woods near Maz’s cantina. Don’t forget what you saw when you touched hands. Don’t forget Ben Solo. The light spoke to her. She took a deep breath, slowly closing her eyes before responding to the darkness in her face. He hated the way she softened to him, even as he threatened her life. She was such a fool. 

“Let me help you, Ben,” she whispered softly, her eyes piercing his with a warmth he isn’t sure he felt since a child in the arms of his mother. His mother. His eyes became watery quicker than he could fight, and he looked down to hide. His breathing became labored, and they both felt the darkness pull him one way, while the light pulled him another. 

“Please,” she begged in a whisper, echoing his plea to her in the throne room. It put the bad taste of rejection back into his mouth, and he nearly choked on it. 

“No,” he said in a low and husky voice of anger, remembering when she wouldn’t take his hand. They stared at each other a moment more, few tears falling from Rey’s eyes while Kylo Ren looked at her how she should’ve look at him; like an enemy. Her eyes hardened out of obligation, noticing his quivering lips as he quickly disappeared.


End file.
